I'm really struggling with trying to get fit and lose weight after the death of our baby. I gave birth to our Jane on April 19th, 2020 at 34 weeks. She died from complications to Lissencephaly, a severe brain disorder, on April 21st. I was maintaining a healthy weight all through pregnancy until the last month when I gained a little more because of Shelter in Place.
Now its been over 3 months since we lost her and I've been trying to lose the baby weight so I can be healthy for another pregnancy. I lost 10 pounds pretty quickly during the first month of working out, but it has since plateaued and my weight has been yo-yoing. Losing 2lbs one week and gaining it back the next.
Working out feels good most days, but I get sad when I stare at my closet and still can't wear most of my pre-pregnancy clothes.
I also spend every other workout crying because I feel like if I had been healthier before I was pregnant, maybe Jane would be alive today. I just feel like my body wasn't healthy enough to keep Jane alive and I want it to be as healthy as it can be for future children.
Our doc said we can start trying to conceive in 3 months (6 months after Jane) but I want to be fit and healthy. I just feel like a failure because I can't lose the weight.
Any encouragement or advice is welcome.