I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. There are no words. My heart hurts for you and I hope this site can help a little in your healing. I never smoked or did drugs or bled during any of my pregnancies. Because I had delivered two preemies, I was high-risk. They are here because I was monitored and my first OB was paying attention. For our third pregnancy, it was suggested that I see a MFM, a new one this time. I did and we did a bunch of bloodwork. It turns out that I had MTHFR and Leiden V (German verb meaning to suffer), a blood clotting disorder x 2. His advice was Heprin pump at 23ish weeks. I was hesitant as we hadn't done that before and I was scared. Due to the economy in early 2009, my awesome OB was letgo from the practice he had transferred to in '05 (because he was near retirement age and hadn't invested). I had some (come to find out after the fact) part-time OB who treated me like a regular patient. No extra monitoring, no 24-hour protein screening, no weekly visits, nothing. She didn't diagnose the preeclampsia that I had a history of and so I drove myself to the hospital late one fateful evening in March. My water broke as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk path leading to maternity wing check-in. I had preeclampsia, a blood clot, and a placental abruption. When I saw her 2 1/2 weeks prior when I was telling her of my familiar symptoms of severe swelling and extreme fatigue, she should have ordered a basic 24-hour protein screening. Those results would have landed me in the hospital on bedrest which was my exact situation with my first preemie. I would have been monitored and given him the best possible chance of survival. I delivered him "sleeping" that night at 30 weeks to the day. I had multiple transfusions to save my life. As it's October and Infant Loss Remembrance month, it's important to tell his story. If I could do it all again, I'd be sure that I was being transferred to someone full-time and had years+ experience with high-risk patients. I think it's important to have a realistic plan in place, someone who will listen, and will take action if things change rapidly.
I hope the labs reveal information that can help you make a plan that you feel comfortable with for next time, when you're ready. Hugs!