Early pregnancy Miscarriage (6 weeks)

Hi everybody. I am 27 years old, I found out I was pregnant by taking a at home pregnancy test a day after my missed period. I was honestly very scared at first and very confused. I lost my job due to the pandemic, my boyfriend of 8 years and I still had a lot of issues to work on, still not finished with some classes I’m taking. So it was pretty hard to feel happy, I had moments of indecision and contemplating on having a medical abortion (The pill)

About two Weeks  passed by and I decided to make an appointment at a women’s center here in New York City to test everything out. My appointment was on Tuesday, I came in they did my blood work, urine test and when it came to the US they saw nothing. They said it could be because I was still too early in the pregnancy or it could have been an ectopic pregnancy. I kind of panicked a little but let it be. That same day me and my boyfriend drove to Boston for a little getaway. Wednesday everything was going good, we spent the afternoon in Salem, did some fun things etc. Thursday came along.... we did a trolley ride around Boston and then did a museum. I went to use the bathroom and as I wiped myself I started bleeding. And it was the bright red type of blood. Not spotting, so I freaked out a bit and remembered the nurse back in nyc told me to call in case I have any bleeding and stomach pains or signs of an ectopic pregnancy. So I called her and she told me I should visit the ER to rule out any dangerous situation.

When I got to the ER they brought me in took my blood, urine and US. During the US as the tech was entering the probe inside me I felt horrible cramping and told her I needed to use the bathroom. A gush of blood and blood clots / tissue came down. I knew then this wasn’t normal, and I had a sunken feeling in my chest. She gave me a pad and I returned to wait for the doctor to let me know what’s going on. As I’m waiting there I feel mild cramping, some even like contractions that would come and go, like something coming down sort of that sensation when you get your period. An hr or two passed by I used the bathroom checked my pad. It was obviously full, as I peed blood clots and tissue came down as well. It was obvious to me it was a miscarriage. The doctor didn’t really tell me it was a miscarriage just because he didn’t see anything wrong in the US exam and my test were positive  and they only saw a small gast. Sac. So they assumed it was a pregnancy of unknown location and still too early.

He called in a gynecologist in to exam me more and have a look at what’s happening. After waiting 3-4 hrs She came in, she checked me and swabbed out some material  inside me. I took a peep and there it was. It was a small jelly like sac and a bunch of blood clots. I was in shock, I was speechless. I knew that was my pregnancy, Right there in the garbage bin. I kept to myself.

I left the hospital and came back to New York. Saturday (today) I went back to my clinic. They did more blood work urine test. Etc. Which came out positive. The US however also didn’t show anything this time. Only traces of blood in my uterus // cervix area. The doctor advised me she thinks it was a early miscarriage, but that they will wait for the HCG levels to confirm.

I am here in my bed at home writing all of this as it all happened the last couple of days. I can’t stop crying, I have anxiety , depression peeking in and I feel like I want to rip my skin off. I feel hopeless. My boyfriend is a really reserved person and doesn’t show much comfort or emotional support so that makes me feel a little bit more sad. I don’t know what to expect from all of this. It’s my first time going through a miscarriage... I feel alone and just horrible. My heart is broken, my spirit is down. I truly don’t want to imagine what it’s like for other women who may have been further along in the pregnancy feel. The loss is huge even though it’s only six weeks. I am a person who has general anxiety and I can control it, when I get  depression episodes I can control it as well.  I am scared I will not overcome this grief and loss. Any tips or prayers would be helpful and I am sorry to anybody else going through this situation. I hope we all overcome this and live to see the day it’s behind us ❤️