May 10th 2020 I lost my sweet baby girl Lauren at 21 weeks pregnant. Lauren was healthy, vibrant and beautiful. My baby passed due to my incompetent cervix - I didn’t know I had it until I was 20 weeks pregnant at that point I was already 2.7cm dilated and had bulging membranes. The doctors couldn’t save her - had I been 24 weeks they would’ve tried. My daughter was born and died an hour later. I miss her so much everyday.
My husband and I got pregnant again very soon after in July - I am now 15 weeks pregnant with her brother XJ - while I’m over the moon excited - I keep thinking it’s not supposed to be this way - she’s supposed to be here. And this time I have a cervical cerclage but I’m so afraid of it failing and losing XJ too.
Last night I had a nightmare - similar to the day when I lost all of my fluids and delivered Lauren but in my dream last night - all of my fluids were gone - and I could see his feet in my belly button and I went to the bathroom and so much blood was there - I woke up at 4 a.m. with sweats and I’ve just been unable to sleep or even think positive about this pregnancy.
For those who’ve experienced loss, how did you navigate pregnancy after loss?