Pregnancy after Loss

Hi Everyone,

I lost my baby girl Amelia Rose at 23w4d on September 23rd, 2020. I went in for an Anatomy scan and found out she had passed away two days prior. I got to hold and touch my baby girl for a little while. It has been the hardest thing I’ve been through. It took my husband and I 5 years of trying to finally get pregnant and to have this outcome was pretty devastating. There was really nothing wrong with her or myself and they believe it was just a case of bad luck.

I went to a follow up appointment today after 6 weeks and was given the green light to try again if mentally prepared.

My question is: How soon is too soon? What are your recommendations, suggestions of experiences? Am I crazy to want to try this soon? Should I wait a bit longer?

I should also mention I am 38 years old and I don’t want to wait to be too much older either.

Thanks, Johanna.

1 Reply

  • Johanna,
    My heart breaks for you and your family. I also lost my daughter who's name was Amelia Claire on August 5th, 2020 at 35 weeks pregnant. Her cord was around her neck 5 times and her little heart was lifeless during the ultrasound. I delivered her August 6th, 2020 after 27 hours in labor. I was able to hold her, dress her and admire the beautiful little creation that I grew. I miss her every single day. Its a lonely place to be in the club with other stillborn mothers. It seems no one really knows what to do or say and at least for me I have noticed most people just avoid the subject all together or completely avoid talking to me now. I guess I dont blame them but at least for me, talking about Amelia helps me. She was my baby, she was a tiny human that I created and grew and she mattered. Just like your Amelia matters. Like you I wanted to get pregnant immediately. I felt SO GUILTY about it too. I felt like I was dishonoring my sweet girl by wanting another baby soon but what I came to realize is that theres no reason to feel crazy or selfish or even bad about wanting a baby. You are not replacing your daughter. Nothing will ever replace your daughter and you will ALWAYS be a mother no matter what your future holds. You carried and delivered a baby and just because you didnt get watch her grow doesnt mean shes any less real or youre any less a mom. With that said, I say if you and your husband are on the same page about trying again as soon as you are able and you have no health reasons preventing you from doing that- then you should. It is your life, your family and your heart. You know what is best. My Amelia was born 3 months ago today and whether by chance or some divine act- I found out today that I am pregnant again. When I saw the positive result on the test I was immediately terrified. I remember being so excited the first time and this time- it was sheer terror. My pregnancy journey has officially begun again a mere 3 months after the greatest loss I have ever experienced but what Im trying to say here is, only you know your timeline emotionally. Its your journey and even though we've never met, youre not alone. I along with thousands of other women are standing here with you facing our losses as a tribe of mothers who know how it feels to be in your shoes. I hope that one day you and your husband are able to bring home your baby and when that baby grows up you are able to tell him/her about their sister Amelia. Say her name and say it often. But please- do not feel crazy for wanting to try again soon. You are not crazy and you deserve your rainbow.
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