My baby girl is gone

Hello, My name is Ariel & this was my first pregnancy ever, before i used to think i couldn’t even have kids because I’ve been trying for the longest and hadn’t had luck. But this year July things changed and i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant in august. This was the greatest blessing I’ve ever had in my life and was so blessed to figure that out. I’d go to all my appointments do everything by the book as well as eating healthy. On an ultrasound for my kidney the beginning of October they found that my amniotic fluid was decreasing and i was rushed to have another ultrasound. There they noticed that indeed my water had broken at just 14+5 weeks and there was nothing they could do about it. I’d have to wait until 23 weeks in order to be helped. They said i would either have to terminate my baby or just keep going until we see what happens. This being my first pregnancy I’d be damn if i decided to terminate my little girl. So i kept going staying in bed rest and keeping my fluids up. Every appointment we went to was great her heartbeat was still strong. But last Thursday for our routine ultrasound they couldn’t find a baby girl was gone and i didn’t even know. I was admitted into labor and delivery where i had to deliver my sleeping baby . This is the most emotional heartbreaking thing i have ever been through and it’s only been a few days. I don’t know what to think, idk what to do, i just wish my baby was still in my stomach healthy and okay . I miss her so much and it hurts me so bad coming home with no baby. Everybody around me is constantly apologizing about it and i don’t want to be bothered. How do i get through this...

1 Reply

  • Hello, im Emma, I know and feel your pain...I'm in same pain and my baby girl was born sleeping also, on 14 July 2020, my heart is broken, I have 2 children I know how blessed I am and people think they are being kind by saying at least u have kids, which I know I am but I also wanted this 1 that was in my belly and I felt her flutters and heard and saw her strong heart beat for to go to scan and see the last few flickers then dr was called in to find her heart no longer beating. I delivered her ok but my placenta got stuck and that's what added to making the whole experience so traumatic, having it cut out of me not numbed, during which the assisting student nurse fainted & knocked herself out during watching my procedure. I wish every day she was still with me. I have the added situation of my 2 sister in laws are pregnant, 1 of them we were both due the exact same day 10th Jan. I dread Jan.
    When I first got home from hospital I just put on brave face for everyone. But I think as its nearing my due date and I see the others bellys grows I wish it was still me. Iv been so upset past few days thinking of it all, everywhere theres babies and I'm not a bitter person each baby is a blessing but like you, I wanted mine so badly no1 around me knows the heartache. This was my 7th miscarriage and I'm 39 so I'm running out of time.
    I'm so sorry for your loss, you have went through a horrificly sad experience. You will find your new normal as time goes on and you'll always be that babys mummy. I've just taken each day at a time and after July many days have been good but now nearly 4 months later I'm going through a lot of sadness at the minute. My thoughts and best wishes I send to you. Your strong you've been through the worst. Take good care of yourself and let yourself feel how you need to feel. Your allowed to feel anyway you want, all them mixed emotions will come. I'm so sorry for your loss.