Hello, im Emma, I know and feel your pain...I'm in same pain and my baby girl was born sleeping also, on 14 July 2020, my heart is broken, I have 2 children I know how blessed I am and people think they are being kind by saying at least u have kids, which I know I am but I also wanted this 1 that was in my belly and I felt her flutters and heard and saw her strong heart beat for to go to scan and see the last few flickers then dr was called in to find her heart no longer beating. I delivered her ok but my placenta got stuck and that's what added to making the whole experience so traumatic, having it cut out of me not numbed, during which the assisting student nurse fainted & knocked herself out during watching my procedure. I wish every day she was still with me. I have the added situation of my 2 sister in laws are pregnant, 1 of them we were both due the exact same day 10th Jan. I dread Jan.
When I first got home from hospital I just put on brave face for everyone. But I think as its nearing my due date and I see the others bellys grows I wish it was still me. Iv been so upset past few days thinking of it all, everywhere theres babies and I'm not a bitter person each baby is a blessing but like you, I wanted mine so badly no1 around me knows the heartache. This was my 7th miscarriage and I'm 39 so I'm running out of time.
I'm so sorry for your loss, you have went through a horrificly sad experience. You will find your new normal as time goes on and you'll always be that babys mummy. I've just taken each day at a time and after July many days have been good but now nearly 4 months later I'm going through a lot of sadness at the minute. My thoughts and best wishes I send to you. Your strong you've been through the worst. Take good care of yourself and let yourself feel how you need to feel. Your allowed to feel anyway you want, all them mixed emotions will come. I'm so sorry for your loss.