In reply to Hunter and Randi's Mom:
At one of the therapy offices last week, a fellow mom friend made a comment like "...because you know with your last baby, you tend to keep them a little closer..." I think we were talking about parenting differences or something. Anyway, when she said those words, she must have seen my face drop or change expression. It couldn't be helped. It sort of happens when you hear things that just go to your heart and stir up the cause of your pain. She noticed it because she looked at me super briefly with her eyes. There was some concern there on her part for me, but I didn't share and she didn't ask. Mothers are so intuitive. She's a sweet lady. She meant no harm, but it's comments in general I guess that just floor me sometimes and make me pause.
Another one was last month. I went in for a site visit for this trial my son is doing. The guy doing a little observation of us starts talking about this and that. He asked again how many children I had. Gulp. I said two. Then he starts in and says, "Well, I have THREE..." In my head, I'm a screaming! Yes, you win! You're living THREE trump my TWO! Got it!!! People don't mean it, but sometimes that's how it comes off. Like, I am not as busy as you are because I only have two and you have more. More means busier. More means I can't understand. More means I can't even begin. Yeah, I don't know. Would have been nice if things had been differently, huh, researcher man?! I dream of what normal looks like. I don't know it. I don't think I've ever known it. I won't ever know it. My life is not normal, but it is my new normal and it's here to stay. I am still learning to accept these cards. Some days, I want a new hand, but most days I'm content with the good and not so good cards I've been dealt. I feel like I get nutz as we get inch closer. This is normal though, right?