Hello everyone. I joined this site because I do a lot of writing and thought this seemed like an active support community for other bereaved parents. I wrote our story up on my profile entitled "The Crucible and Butterflies" but I'll touch on the main points here. My fiance' developed HELLP syndrome in her second trimester and delivered by emergency ceasarian on January 8th, 2016. Our son Gabriel was born at 23 weeks and 6 days gestation weighing 1 pound even. He was the smallest baby in our NICU and fought hard for 17 wonderful days, enduring many different kinds of therapies and medications before passing away on January 25th, 2016 from a staph infection/sepsis. This has been, by far, one of the most soul-crushing, life-altering things that has ever happened to me. It's been almost 2 months now but I still cry just about every day, I write letters to him and poems for him; we ordered many lovely decorations for his gravesite and have assembled a few photo albums which are absolutely precious and I feel like I am moving closer to acceptance, but there are still some things I am resentful of and of course an endless barrage of questions going off in my head, but I am trying to find my "new normal" which is a term I only found in coming to this site. I have an appointment on Friday to speak with a counselor and try to work through some of this, but I'd really like to connect with other angel parents who can relate to the depth of emotions we are feeling. Some days it feels like we do OK, others feel like we're drowning and it's just a mission to keep our heads above water. I've also done a lot of reading (Empty Arms which was provided to us by the hospital and When Bad Things Happen to Good People) and I understand that everyone grieves differently, some people take longer to come to the same point as others, but I truly feel that I am grieving differently than most men with how much I do talk about it, write about it and want to share; whereas my fiance' is much more reserved about it, doesn't like to talk about it and I think she's afraid to break down in public. Any words of advice or comfort would be greatly appreciated, and thanks in advance to everyone else who has shared their story as well. It moves me in the most profound way to read these stories and to know that others have endured this pain and emerged OK, it gives me hope.