Fears of another preterm pregnancy again





Heart ache happiness worry and relieved

Hi every on I'm going to tell you about my life story of pregnancy's I have had some will b shocked some will be upset and some will or won't understand why I would like another baby but scared so if you would like to comment please do any advice and support would be great so here goes from the very beginning

I met my husband at 16yrs old I fell pregnant not long after and had a healthy baby boy when I was 17 yrs old in 1995 I then fell pregnant a Yr later in 1997 and had no complication but had my 2nd son a few weeks early but healthy I went on to microgonon birth control for a bit and found I wanted another baby so I came off the pill and took folic acid when in  I fell pregnant in Feb 2000 I had a threatening misscarage at 10 weeks and bled for weeks then when I was 19 weeks pregnant my waters broke so I had to be checked regularly I was admitted to hospital when I was 20 weeks as I was always bleeding so they kept me in.  when I was 24 weeks I went into premature labour and I had my 3rd son on 26th July 2000 he was in scbu and was on venterlators and he had a bad heart so he needed a operation then when he was 2 weeks old on 13th August he got I infection called NEC they took him for emergency surgery when they came back the surgeon came to me and said that his full intestines had perforations and not even a tiny bit to put together that there's nothing they can do to save him and the doctors was ready to get a court order as I was told they were turning his life support off so I said I would do it so I held him in my arms when they turned the machines off and at 01:15am on 14th Aug 2000 my baby boy took his last breath then I fell pregnant again in 2001 to another baby boy and the same happened apart from his tempreture wasn't rising and couldn't help him and again I held my baby boy in my arms until he took his last breath he lived for 6 hours. I fell pregnant again in 2003 with my 5th son had no problems and was only a week early they kept a close eye on me then in 2007 I had another baby boy again didn't have really any problems but he came at 35 weeks and was fine then in 2009 I had my 7th baby boy and he came at 37 weeks and was fine then in 2013 I give birth to my 8th son had bleeding on and off throwout my pregnancy and give birth at 37 weeks no health issues. Then in 2014 I found out I was pregnant got a early scan as I was bleeding everything was fine nice strong heart beat then I started bleeding again only brown so I got another scan at 8 weeks baby was doing great then 2 weeks later at 10 weeks I started bleeding again brown no pain I got another scan the woman said I had nothing to worry about as I only ly had a scan 2 weeks before hand so when she did the scan on 17th march 2014 she looked at the screen and was really looking and she was shocked and said I'm so sorry the fetus hasn't got a heart beat that it's size is 8 weeks 1 day I was 10 weeks 4 days the baby had died inside of me the day after I got  a scan at 8 weeks so on 18th March 2014 I had to go into hospital for a d and c I broke my heart for weeks my sons were lost wanting to no y I couldn't stop crying then and then again on 17th March 2015 I fell pregnant again and miscarried 2 days later I was 6 weeks then on 19th June 2015 I fell pregnant again and sadly miscarried 2 days later again on 20th June 2015  then in July 2015 I fell pregnant again with my 9th baby boy I started bleeding brown again sent alarms flying not again I was giving steroids earlier then I was admitted into hospital christmas day morning and was told I had to stay in until I'm closer to 36 weeks then when I got to 24 weeks my waters broke and all I could think about was Terence and connor my baby boys that were born in 2000 and 2001 at 24 weeks but he held on for 2 weeks and I give birth to him at 26 weeks on 28th Jan 2016 he was on the venterlators and all other machines then when he was a 3 days old they found he had a bad heart so needed a clip and tie so they operated then a week later he became un well and I was called up to the ward Christopher wasn't doing good he was detarating and had 3 cardiac a rests and he stopped breathing for between 4 and 7 minutes they managed to pull my son around then 2 days later said he's all swallowing they want to do a scan on him to find out what's going on they did the scan to find he had NEC the same as 1 of my 24 week baby boy I thought that's it I have lost him as well what have I did so wrong for my baby boys to be taken from me,  he had a perforation and had 10cm of his intestines removed then had been giving a stoma then 5 days later they checked him again as his gases and other tests were coming back not right to find that he had caught NEC again I sobbed my heart out there's no way this is happening it can't be its  a dream and they said they had to take him for another emergency operation and had another perforation and they needed to take another 20cm off his intestines and give him a double stoma he had another 4 cardiac a rests and pulled through again after 3 to 9 minutes my baby boy Christopher pulled his self through fighting all the way and on 25th April 2016 he was allowed home which was my birthday my son does have problems dysfunctional liver chronic lung disease very bad constipation poor weight gain and cant have milk eggs cheese soya or banana my youngest son has just turned 2yrs old

I no this sounds stupid and maybe selfish with all my pregnancy's I have had and having my 7 boys I and crazy but I really want another baby ppl might think it's because I want a girl or the attention or may be more benefit money but its not I don't care if I had a boy or girl as long as it was alive and for money it's not for that reason either I was told to put in for dla for my youngest son and I said no money won't make him better its the love he will get that will bring him on and the help is out there if I need it it doesn't have to involve money I love all my boys and like I said in the beginning some of you might say I'm crazy stupid but I love kids and the whole pregnancy's when I had no problems it would b nice to have a little girl but would mind but my problem is I'm scared to don't no if I should go with my heart or brain by going for it or letting go and not having any more as I'm 40yrs old in April what do you think I should do and be onest please but please please don't criticis me